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Kelli Russell Agodon

Braided Between the Broken

[view the PDF]

This morning apologies were falling
from the trees and the apples
were being ignored.
 
There’s a chapter in our lives
where I tried to shred pages,
where I tried to rewrite the tale.
Let’s call that chapter, The Numbness,
or The Boredom, or the place where we forgot
we were alive.
 
That morning I woke up and wandered outside
onto the backtrail,
past the No Trespassing sign into the arms
of an evergreen or a black bear. It didn’t matter
who held me then; I was moss, the lichen,
the mushroom growing on the fallen log.
No one expects perfection, except when they do,
which is always. Even you, king
of the quiet, crash
when I talk about my brokenness.
Cover up, your fractures are showing. 
 
In my life I try to apologize for things I haven’t done
yet. Those are the bruised apples of me,
the possible fruit rotting in the field.
 
Remember when I kept replaying melancholy?
Remember when I opened our melody with a switchblade?
 
Rip out the carpet. Mow down the dahlias.
Let’s ruin our lives . . .
 
It felt good to hurt then—
until it didn’t, until we were left
with bad flooring, a garden
where nothing grew. 
 
You’re asking about the next chapter
and the one after that. You’re asking
what time I’ll be home and if I need 
a cloth to buff up my halo. 
 
Let’s put a comma here.
Let’s put in a semi-colon and think about 
the next sentence. 
 
I dream of erasers. I dream of whiteout,
I dream of the song where the pharmacist
doesn’t judge me for not being able to make it through
the day without some sort of pill.
 

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Vol. 42, No. 1

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Writer’s Notebook

Writer’s Notebook—Field Dress Portal

Sarah Audsley

Writer’s Notebook—Field Dress Portal

Writing this poem was not a commentary on a rivalry between the sister arts—poetry and painting—but more an experiment in the ekphrastic poetic mode.

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